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WOOOOOOOOO

life sucks

didnt think it'd get worse. but now i've been threatened with no rent money.

still don't have a co-op

missed the co-op workshop thing.

still no job from the movie theater

i'm so screwed in life right now.

I'm just down...

i dont really know why, but i'm just kinda down right now.
life.
no co-op job, not even looked at for the movie theater job, mike wont talk to me, i feel like i'm losing me again, zack likes me beyond imagination and i dont currently return the same feelings, maybe because i got distracted by all of these other guys, but i still want ot be with zack and be happy. but he called me chubby a while ago and it sitll bothers me, i know i'm not. but i just can't help thinking i am. and it's horrible.

idk. life sucks sometimes, just gotta get back up and try again.

i'm gonna take these broken wings, and learn to fly again. i'm coming back, and this time it's gonna be awesome.

Love is... who the fuck knows

I always think i fall in love with people. I never really do, but i always seem to think so.
But i've come to realize when i think i like someone, i like what they have to offer more than i seem to care about them. I like how outgoing they are, or how much of something they know. I like new and different. not necessarily them.
it just always seems to fade so fast, and they say when you love someone you never really stop loving them. and i seem to stop loving a lot. it's just a case of love and lust confused i guess. and the lust wears off and i dont wanna be with them anymore then it gets awkward and things go weird.
but there are a few people in this world i do love. i'd give my life for theirs anyday a thousand times over. i hate seeing them unhappy and i always want to be there for them. Paris you're definitely one of them.
and mike i love him to death, mike martini that is.
and then i get super protective sometimes over certain people and i dont know why. it happened this summer at the y with a few of the kids, one in particular. he's had it pretty rough, sorta. but i love him like he's my own little brother, only more... almost like he was my own kid. and it's super awesome.
i just wish i could find that feeling in a guy. a place where i feel safe in their arms, and nothing could hurt it, and i don't want to hurt them, and i end up putting them first. i want to love someone and be loved as equally in return.

and... this has been a rant... yeah

Butter and Baby Otter

so. i went down to philly to visit zack on thursday after work. i got down there around 6:30, and he met me at the train station. it was really nice to see him and hug him in person again. and kiss him in person. as much as i love the skype kisses... the real kisses with him are just amazing.
so then we walked back to his place and then we cuddled and started watching up in the air, which turned into making out. then we tried to order food, but the pizza place messed up so zacky made me a ham sandwich with mustard and it was delicious and i was super happy he made it for me. so then we cuddled and fell asleep together. then we woke up and totally started fooling around which ended up going all the way. and it was absolutely beautiful, and i really really like him. so then we decided we were hungry after we showered so we went to this amazing vegetarian food cart called the magic carpet across from starbucks, and then we got starbucks and sat there and talked and ate. Then the rain stopped and we went walking in the city. we walked all over the place and we got free freeze pops, and went in the appled store, and then the knock off apple store, and then we walked around the shopping places, then the art district and it was really pretty, and i love the artsy parts of the city. then we got some gelato at capogiro... or somethin like that. and he made me so happy all day long. he's just so sweet and beautiful, and always has lots to say and i really enjoy listening to him. so after gelato we went back to his place and cuddled and watched coraline. creepy movie, but i loved cuddling with him to watch it. and we actually watched the whole movie that time. and he's amazing and super special and i wish i could see him again before the end of september. but the best things in life are worth waiting for, because he's going to be back at the end of september =] and i really can't wait to see him again.

wtf have i done.... lol

once upon a time there was a prince, his name was zack. he was the cutest boy in all the lands and all the ladies wanted to date him. just a little problem though, zack had a crush on the peasant boy, ryan. one day while ryan was in the market place scrounging for some toast Prince Zack came along and bought ryan all the toast and butter he could possibly want. Ryan knew at that moment that prince zack was also the nicest boy in all the lands, with the biggest heart. and then they began to talk everyday and prince zack help peasant boy ryan to become more than just a peasant boy. and then everyone lived happily ever after. the end

lol i can't believe i wrote that... i suck at writing things. PROOF^ haha. yeah.... here it is though lol