I fell into his arms again ... and it felt different this time…. but its exactly where i want to be….. long distance.. i just.. i can’t do it. i want to, i really do. i just, it doesnt work for me. i need something a bit more than falling asleep on skype. to be honest, i’ve run out of things to talk about with you =/ and i hate it. i hate every second of not talking with you, because i just think to myself that i’ve done something wrong.
i can’t handle this. its too much added stress, i just tend to freak out and breakdown and i get clingy and then distant all at once. my mind is a fucked up place and i wish it would agree with itself.
what am i even doing with myself anymore…. i really don’t know.
Jeff… you always screw things up… i wish you would come out… and we could be happy together…. but you probably never will, and you’ll find a girl and fall in love… and that will be the end of that…
why do i always always rush things? WHY!? i feel like such a moron…. i did this last time too, only it wasn’t long distance. this is just… this is harder. and more impossible. i dont know what to do anymore…
this explains the horrible mood the other day…. im glad i figure this out now … UGHHHHHHHH
COULD MY HEAD BE ANYMORE CONFUSING!!!!!!!!!!!!! I THINK NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm in love....In love. completely. i am happiest in his arms… but we cannot be together. cuz he’s not out. i want him here so badly i just want to cuddl up, bury my face in his chest and fall asleep. is that so bad?
I love you jeffrey, and i always will, i just wish i had the chance to be with you. us, together, happy. it could work. but i think you’re too scared…..
why am i on the verge of tears… you’re just a boy. a silly boy… it won’t matter in the end… right?
Monday, April 4, 2011
Once upon a time, in a far away kingdom there lived a handsome prince, Nathaniel. Prince Nathaniel had all he could ever want, a family, a beautiful castle, wonderful friends, but something was missing from his life. All day long he would go through life, daydreaming and wishing to feel complete. One day he went for a walk in the forest near the castle. As he wandered through the trees he was singing to himself when he encountered a gorgeous stranger. At first Nathaniel was worried, but the stranger seemed friendly enough so they began to talk. Nathaniel and the stranger got along very well, but unfortunately they had to separate and Nathaniel was sad because he thought he would never see the stranger again. On the way back to the castle though, Prince Nathaniel was kidnapped by an evil dragon who took him to a faraway castle. Nathaniel was the dragon’s prisoner because the dragon was afraid Nathaniel’s imagination was too powerful. After a while Nathaniel could only think of the stranger he met in the woods and he was upset because now he knew he would never see him again. Then one day, he saw a man in shining armor approach the castle. The man had slain the dragon and saved Nathaniel. Prince Nathaniel was eternally grateful to the man in shining armor and asked to see his face. When the man took off his helmet and turned out to be the stranger from the forest. The stranger was really Prince Ryan, from a neighboring kingdom and Prince Nathaniel thanked him with a kiss. Then they rode off on Prince Ryan’s magical rainbow unicorn in hippie boots into the sunset and lived happily ever after. The end <3