Monday, April 18, 2011


I fell into his arms again ... and it felt different this time…. but its exactly where i want to be….. long distance.. i just.. i can’t do it. i want to, i really do. i just, it doesnt work for me. i need something a bit more than falling asleep on skype. to be honest, i’ve run out of things to talk about with you =/ and i hate it. i hate every second of not talking with you, because i just think to myself that i’ve done something wrong.

i can’t handle this. its too much added stress, i just tend to freak out and breakdown and i get clingy and then distant all at once. my mind is a fucked up place and i wish it would agree with itself.

what am i even doing with myself anymore…. i really don’t know.

Jeff… you always screw things up… i wish you would come out… and we could be happy together…. but you probably never will, and you’ll find a girl and fall in love… and that will be the end of that…

why do i always always rush things? WHY!? i feel like such a moron…. i did this last time too, only it wasn’t long distance. this is just… this is harder. and more impossible. i dont know what to do anymore…

this explains the horrible mood the other day…. im glad i figure this out now … UGHHHHHHHH

COULD MY HEAD BE ANYMORE CONFUSING!!!!!!!!!!!!! I THINK NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm in love....In love. completely. i am happiest in his arms… but we cannot be together. cuz he’s not out. i want him here so badly i just want to cuddl up, bury my face in his chest and fall asleep. is that so bad?

I love you jeffrey, and i always will, i just wish i had the chance to be with you. us, together, happy. it could work. but i think you’re too scared…..

why am i on the verge of tears… you’re just a boy. a silly boy… it won’t matter in the end… right?