the pains in my chest keep coming back...

yup
and it makes no sense.... just randomly my chest will be tight... and it'll be hard to breathe =/

anyway.... idk im lost in my thoughts, but wanted to post in my world.... i just needed to try and figure thoughs out right now...

In the things you write and the things you say and the impact you have on others, your impact transcends your own body.-zach

he meant other people
but i took it as the soul, what you do, and what you say, what you write, who you are impacts your soul.
its quite true either way, cuz it all also impacts other people. like those around you. whether you know it or not, the world around you is changed because of your presence. for better or for worse, but it would not be the same without you. and then itd just be weird.

i want to do something in this world
i want to change the world for the better.
i dont know how im going to do it, but i will.
i am going to change things, and it will make a difference.
i would love to change the rules of scouts, and allow gays.
we're people too.
what they dont know is that i'm gay, and in scouts.
the entire troop knows
it disrupts nothing.
i will change that.
it will be better for all people to be accepted.
if scouts is about serving your community, what does it matter what your sexuality is? if we are all just serving the community we live in, and bettering it... then why the hell does it matter if i think guys are cute?

the actual scouts, dont. care. trust me. and some of the parents know too, so i really do not see the issue here.

thats just one thing im going to change

im going to bring this world into a new era of peace and harmony. my soul will not be at rest until the world is at peace with itself.

i am going to bring the peace and the harmony. it can happen. why do we have to fight? i dont understand. sure we dont like each other, but why do we need to risk the lives of innocent people to fight against people, who dont even want us there. it doesnt make sense.

whatever. idk im in a really weird mood right now i really need to go to sleep.... so i think i will

night night
-sonar

fuck. everything.

why. does. shit. like.this. always. happen. to. me.
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
kill me
i feel like ive been used and played or something
had a date on friday.... that was cancelled cuz he didnt have a car. then whats he doing? dinner with his friends. yeah ok.. no car my ass. he just didnt feel like coming to get me.
then what did he do yesterday? mall and shopping with his friends... he didnt text me til like 5 to say hi.... i always say goodmorning at like 7.... fuck. this. shit. im sick of it, im sick of feelinng rejected and not good enough. i just want someone to love me, not play me and screw with my head. WHAT EVER. I DONT EVEN CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE.
KILL ME PLEASE
kbye

It's times like these...

when you know who your true friends are....
then you realize you dont have any
and that you are destined to be alone.... because everyone is better off without you and without your meddling
im sick of this
i feel like shit all the time
and now im losing my friends... all of them... they all have someone better to be with, something better to do, someone more important.... and im just left with nothingness. the dark abysmal realm inside of my own skull is where i now reside.
my "friends" dont even talk to me anymore. who fucking cares anyway.....
i got a mohawk... my mom hates it, she hates that im gay, she hates me, she's pretty much given up on me, and that really fucking sucks. and i am so sick of feeling like im not good enough for anyone. im not happy anymore and nobody even fucking cares.

depression sets in and this is the only place left i can truly write what i think and what i feel. tumblr is too full of people i know, facebook... HA thats for your masks to show. just be happy all the time.... FUCK THAT!!

i need out. i need away. i can't be here any longer. its time to leave, it's time to go.... i need to leave. get me out of here. i cant stand being here anymore

i just want to run, start my life over, and begin anew. its not like anyone would fucking miss me anyway. not like anyone would fucking know either. i could easily remove myself from the world with nobody noticing my dissappearance... nobody texts me first anyway... nobody gives a fuck about what happens to me.

well my mother thinks i do drugs, and drink, and smoke, and im just this overall bad kid. WELL YA KNOW FUCKING WHAT!! I DON'T DO ANY OF THAT SHIT!!!!!! but if you think i do... i should probably just fucking start.... because then you have reason to hate me like you do..... and then you can get me "help" for the problems i actually have as opposed to JUST FUCKING HATING ME AND ASSUMING THE WORST!!!!
WHAT THE FUXCKING HELLL

im done with this world.

oh how people make me laugh

if (said person) honestly believes i was mad at (said person 2) because she was caring... YOU HAVE FUCKING ISSUES!!!!!!! and DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT ACTUALLY FUCKING HAPPENED!!!!!!! DO NOT PISS ME OFF YOU WILL (and sort of already have) HAVE HELL BROKEN LOOSE UPON YOU!!!!!!!!

kthxbai
<3 sonar

my love ive found.
i have been drowned
whats happened i cant grasp
until im in his clasp

with him i belong
this cannot be wrong
as lovers we once were true
now all i feel is blue

my heart is heavy
i have been hurt
this pain i cannot levy
why does he only flirt

i need him here
by my side
the choices are clear
do i run and hide?

i cannot leave him
this is my fate
forever alone
without my mate