Everybody finds a reason to leave...

i thought we could just be friends... but he wants more than i can give him. so he left.
walked right out of my life
how can someone do that. 
i just don't understand.
i hate when people leave
it is the worst feeling in the world.

kyle wrote this.... i just wanna save it somewhere.

Icy as the chill of a winter breeze,
Fiery as the sting from the frozen seas.
Wild as the tears from a child’s cries,
Calm as the pierce from young staring eyes

Behind each soul, a story untold,
Unlock the secret, and a world unfolds.
Heart’s still beating, but life is still
This world anew, is yours to fill.

Paint the skies and add new lands,
Turn stars to diamonds, and diamonds to sand.
You are free to do with it as you please
But you are limited by your creativities.

For If you can think it, so it shall be,
But you’ll find it’s hard to let your mind free
But, no matter how simple my world may seem,
It’s mine to live, and mine to dream

mreh

i just ... i feel kinda awkward about tomorrow.
i'm going clubbing with kyle and his friends, and becky and jenny.
i'm really worried about it.
like really worried
i just have this feeling like something bad is going to happen tomorrow
and kyle's gonna be drunk and idk if i can handle that... we'll see i guess.
i'm just worried that jenny and becky aren't gonna be sociable with him and his friends... or vice versa and it'll be awkward and i just want everything to be ok and i feel like it isnt so i just want someone to grab me and tell me everything is going to be ok.
i just want to know it will be...

=/

GOD MOTHER FUCKING DAMNIT

ugh.
kyle.
why!?
if i kiss chris, just to explore options... it's basically over between us.
i just... he just... idk. kyle understands me, chris gets me.... not as much... but he does.
aquarian kyle. arian chris..... fire signs. god damnit i can't stop with the fire signs!
idk. i think i might have very strong feelings for kyle.
but the thing is... the feelings for chris are developing. and therefore... do i really love kyle if i developed feelings for chris?
idk....
help?

and it all falls apart.

skyped with stephen.
such a mistake.
i feel like i dont respect myself at all.
i just give myself up to whoever's watching.
i hate it
i hate that it was him
he caused me so much hurt
and now just looks at me for sexual pleasure
i  hate it.

then my dad left.
he was drunk as fuck.
screamed fuck you get out of my life
and drove off in the mustang.
he just got back.... and i hate it
i hate this
i hate how awful life is becoming with this

i think i might actually like chris.
he's just so sweet, and idk.
and i know i love kyle. i know i do. and no matter what i do i'm going to hurt him. i can see that already.


so fuck it all

god damn it.